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Blacktop
A Review by Techtite
Many cable viewers will do pretty much anything to see a
"new" movie they've never seen before in theaters. HBO realizes
this secret to cheap,
late night B-film success, more than anyone. They can take any really,
really bad film, and if it
stars a member of one of their Emmy-nominated series, it will still get viewers on
TV. This time, the star is Kristin "Sex and the City"
Davis, and the film is called Blacktop.
Lochlyn Monro plays David, whose girlfriend Sylvia (Davis) is upset
because he is having problems with commitment. He's loyal --as we see in
the opening barroom scenes-- though she wants something more (whatever
that is). In comes Jack (Meat Loaf Aday), who is a serial
kidnapper/killer, and definitely a nutcase. He takes a hitchhiking Sylvia on a road trip
that, unbeknownst to her, is actually a kidnapping, since he has no
intention of letting her leave, until Jack finds all these sadistic
"clues" to where they are going.
The script is totally ridiculous, and makes not only Sylvia look like a
total moron, though it makes the viewer feel moronic to watch it at all.
In one scene, for example, David witnesses a murder by Jack. Jack throws
him the gun (duh, do you think he took the bullets out first?), and asks
David to point it at him, if he has the guts. Yeah, sure, of course,
Dave's fingerprints are now on the murder weapon. To add oddity to this
peculiarity, David instead of calling for help later, takes the body and
hides it in his trunk, only to bury it soon later. What an obedient little
pigeon he is, isn't he?
This is, in fact, only one of several instances when dumb ol' Davie enters no less than three
of Jack's crime
scenes, without a care in the world...or even the slightest bit of
caution! The last murder victim has the misfortune of having to spend his
last dying breaths trying to tell dumb ol' Davie four times
that there's a clue behind the door. I don't think even a cartoon
character would be this stupid. Fortunately
for Davie, the police in this picture are equally stupid; they are never
seen at all, even after three murders have taken place in broad daylight.
The problem with this thriller's lack of thrills is twofold. One, the
villain is made out to have an agenda that is even supposed to seem
"noble": he's only kidnapping Sylvia so David will realize how much he loves her (however, he is still psychotic, and
if David doesn't show up, he'll kill her). Second, no matter what you
think of Kristin Davis' acting on Sex and the
City and Melrose Place, she seems half asleep in
this role. Near the finale, she gets severely injured by Jack --so much
so, she's bleeding throughout the rest of the film-- and based on her lack
of vocal response, you'd think she merely broke a nail. This may slightly
explain why Davie helps her up near the end of the film --after knowing
she had been hurt earlier-- and yet even with her own blood all over her
hands, he's still stupid enough to ask, "Are you okay?"
The truth is, when these types of "dumb woman in peril / dumb boyfriend
in pursuit" films fail at any empathy for the characters, they must
rely on one thing: simple, sex and violence shock value. Unfortunately, the film fails in this respect as well. Allow me the courtesy of being blunt; if you saw the
previews and think that Davis is going to be even semi-nude, for the first
time in any full-length film: sorry, NOPE. Unless you're 12 and you
think Davis is sexy in a white bra that might as well be a sport's bra,
forget it. As for Davie, he's dumb, and a dork, so no ladies will
be interested in the film, either. So much for the last chance to want to
see this turkey. The sexiness here is more watered down than an open soda can
dropped into the Pacific.
The bottom line: bad film. So bad, you're probably tempted to ask HBO
for a 2 hour refund of the time you wasted seeing this film on a
"premium" channel. There are no scenes that show the
murders committed by loony Jack, so the film isn't even good by el cheapo,
horror-flick standards. In fact, the characters are so poorly developed, the plotline is useless by any
standard.
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