Techtite's Playstation-2 Reviews!

"If you're merely interested in nudity, this review is irrelevant. As a game review though, this game is disappointing, with little game here at all."

---from the review

-----------------

Sidebar :

-----------------

No "sidebar" comments for this review. Yet...

-----------------

Feel free to contribute. As always, review submissions are accepted!

------------------

The Guy Game

Click picture to order this game (Playstation-2)

A Techtite Review

Who has a problem about college girls at Spring Break flashing their breasts? Not me. However; it's not something worthy of a video game, is it? Such is the paradox behind The Guy Game. On the one hand --eventually-- you get to see actual boobies (the game's terminology, not mine). Then again, you could get the same thrills for less than half the price, on any number of DVDs, amateur web sites, Usenet bulletin boards, and on and on. With all due honesty; what is the point of this?

Well, that's just it: the point is...boobies! Someone taped DVD-quality video of a game show held during Spring Break, called "The Guy Game." Through video editing trickery, you get to "play along" with said girls, a la the syndicated game show Street Smarts. In the first round, you must guess whether the ladies got a trivia question right or wrong. In round two, you must choose how badly the ladies failed the question, by selecting from a list of wrong answers. The catch is: if they give a wrong answer, they must flash their boobies. Yes, that's all there is to this game. End of review.

Or...not. See; a lot of people will look very kindly at the fact that a DVD-quality game offers DVD quality video of boobies. Shouldn't we all be shouting, "yippee yippee" at a game that offers boobies? Not so fast, boys. Allow me to introduce you to this little thing called the "flash-o-meter." Here's the deal: you have to get (I'm not kidding) around 95% of the questions right in any game, in order to see any nudity at all. Until then, your progress is measured by the flash-o-meter, as it slowly moves to the right. Be forewarned: each time you play a new game (with new contestants), the meter has to be all the way to the right, into the red zone, in order to get any nudity in this game. You'll be giving yourself a cheer as you first get the meter into "green" territory, only to see that the "Guy Game" censor bar has been replaced with (nope; I'm still not kidding here) a digital censor bar. Fail to get the meter into the red zone by question #12, and you wasted all your time for nothing. In short: no boobies. You aren't even allowed to see the final game competition.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking: this is a trivia game, and you're a trivia whiz, so getting that flash-o-meter into the red zone will be easy as pie, right? Wrong...but that's not because of hard questions. It's because some questions' answers aren't even right. It's one thing for a faux "wrong" answer to lead to some poor girl "forced" to show her boobs; it's something else entirely, to purport to be a trivia game, and not even get your facts straight. Here's one of at least two dozen faux pas: "On the original Star Trek, what was Mr. Spock's rank?" Here's the true-blue answer from a true-blue Trekker: lieutenant commander. Mr. Spock was Captain Kirk's first officer aboard the Enterprise. Yet someone on this show thinks his rank was "science officer." That's not even a rank! Even one of the ladies "calls bulls---" for this game's (ahem) total malarkey. I must agree.

Does it matter that some drunk frat boy wrote the trivia questions? Yes. Because in order to get that infernal "flash-o-meter" in the red zone --i.e., finish the game at all-- you must guess if a girl will get a question right or wrong. However; how easy is it to guess this, when the questions aren't even right most of the time, and when they are, you often have some idiot in the audience scream out the answer. Would a woman who doesn't know advanced math know advanced science? She would if some nerd gives her the answer. This reduces this game to a mere toss of the coin; did someone tell each contestant the answer, or not? Guessing this isn't challenging at all. It's not even a real game.

Here's where the game even gets a bit mean. Imagine you just lost an answer because some guy in the audience gave it away, only to have this Asian chick pop onto the screen, and insult you for your oh-so-dumb performance. At the risk of being blunt; if we never get to see this girls' chest, why is she here? Even more pointless is how you must choose a girl icon as your icon in the game (???), and if you get too many questions wrong, she flicks you off. Gee, what fun this is...and so much better than seeing nude boobies!

Okay, enough sarcasm. There are at least some things this game got right, for the record. For one, you do get to see boobies --eventually-- and what's more, the episode you unlocked is unlocked for good, meaning you see boobies all you want. In addition: contestants are admittedly well chosen, and are all of the "what's a nice girl like you doing in a video game like this" variety. What's more; they flash their boobs...presuming you can either guess what questions they got right by dumb luck, or remember the order of their mistakes, and simply replay each game again (in other words: cheat). It's your choice.

Make it to the end of each game, and you get to see contestants battle for the grand prize (whatever it was, we're never told), forcing them to do something that, for all intent, has them jump up and down topless. Be it a sack race topless, a hula hoop contest topless, a jumping jack competition topless, or a jump rope competition topless. you'll certainly get to see every contestant...topless. Well, at least you will eventually, after finishing the trivia game that really isn't.

Boobies notwithstanding, however, there really isn't enough game here to recommend said game. How can I give a thumbs up to a game when there isn't any "game"...? Winning this game is based on mere dumb luck, with trivia offering the occasional answer which isn't even with correct facts half the time. Then there's the jerks shouting out answers in the crowd, followed almost every time with a wrong answer by dumb luck alone, with that condescending Asian woman asking what's wrong with you. Agreed. What made me try this game? There are a lot better ways to see some "boobies." This is not one of them.

---Techtite