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Dead or Alive: Paradise
(PSP)
Click
picture to order this game (PSP)
Also available for download on PSN!
Let's be honest, here: nobody hates the Dead or Alive game series
that this game is (loosely!) based on. Yet the same female
characters in an estrogen-friendly mini game collection, is a "horrible"
game to some critics. To hear these critics whine:
it was much more fun to make these girls hit each other! Now they are
playing beach games together...sharing
gifts...and talking! Gosh! This game expects these nerdy critics
to talk to girls...and
choose gifts for them! Augh! Will the madness never end?
Sarcasm put aside: you will get no apologies from this
critic, for believing that Dead or Alive: Paradise might
have been a good game. After all; the exact same game is called
"Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball" on the Xbox, and got several
favorable reviews. Its sequel, Xtreme 2, added even more
mini games, and was quite frankly a lot of fun. This "Paradise"
is the exact same game, albeit "edited" to fit on a portable game system.
So, the real question here is not if the game concept is
good or not. (the same game was on Xbox, twice, so yeah, the
concept works). The real question is if all the "editing"
they performed on this game makes the final product worth it. Sadly: no.
Though it is a lot closer to being a passable game than some other critics
would have you believe. Some even gave it a 1 out of 5. Seriously? Were your
girlfriends watching as you
reviewed this game, dudes?
Here's one example of how even the tiniest mistakes can
effect a game experience: the story! Zack (arguably ,the DOA
fighter with the weakest back story) wins the jackpot in Vegas, and uses it to buy a whole island
paradise. Mind you: that is the story from the first Xbox game, and that
story is not explained here(!). For some reason, they
decided to use the video cut scenes from its sequel DOA Xtreme 2, with no
explanations to the story. People who never saw the cinematic to
Xtreme "1"
might be a bit lost in this game's opening video, where Zack "resurrects" his
island from the depths of the sea. FYI: his island was
destroyed at the end of the first game, so he has to "fix" it at the start
of this one. Expecting PSP players to know what is going on here is one many
little snafus.
You then choose one of the DOA ladies. No; not to fight.
She's on vacation! She quickly meets up with her new "BFF" on the beach, who
acts as a tour guide to the island's basic attributes. The main activity is
beach volleyball, and to be fair, it is as versatile as it was on the Xbox.
The AI of the opponents, and your new friend (she is your first teammate by
default) are perfect, leading to a challenging, though not impossible
virtual sports game. If none of this sounds cool to you, well...read on,
though be forewarned that this is a volleyball game at its very core.
"Attire" and accessories are abundant, and an added
mini-game of sorts. Winning at volleyball gets you money, which you can use
for alternate bikinis, accessories, and souvenirs, either for yourself, or as gifts. Why gifts? Well,
you might notice that your new volleyball ally is good, though not
perfect. You might be better off wooing DOA's tougher gals to play
alongside you. Tina and Christie are particularly hard-as-nails volleyball players, though
they are equally hard to get to play with you. In fact; unless you have won
3 or more volleyball games in a row: forget it.
Mind you; many DOA fans might simply want to woo the players that are their
favorite DOA girls, like Kasumi, Hitomi, or the like. That's more than
possible. This gifting mini-game is completely optional and all up to you.
By "nighttime" (which automatically happens, after a set
number of activities per day), you arrive at the hotel...which happens to be a
casino! You can play any number of casino favorites, like poker, blackjack,
or slot machines, all with DOA themed accessories (the decks of cards have DOA girls as face cards: the slot machines are each with a DOA girl as
its "theme"). The hotel is also where you receive gifts, if you have
done well with the gift-giving mini game. This is the only way you
can get some of the "exclusive" accessories, because each DOA girl has a set
of exclusive swimwear/etc., that only she can buy.
All this was seen in the Xbox version, which by simple
logic was a much larger game disc with much more game data. It should be of
little surprise to you that they had to edit, cut, and trim this game,
before it could ever fit on a UMD disc. What is missing? Well, most
disappointing is the lack of detail to the character models. Anyone who has
played Tekken or Soul Calibur on PSP knows how good these
former DOA fighting characters should look on PSP. Yet for some reason these former DOA characters seem way too
"jagged" around the edges. Let me tell you;
when a girl in a bikini has jagged edges, that's not good!
Then there is the music. The Xbox versions have licensed
music, CD quality, right on the DVD sized game disc. On PSP: here is hoping you stocked up
all your favorite MP3 files on a PSP compatible memory stick, because there are no music
tracks to this game per se; only background sound. In other words: instead of a song by
Christina Aguilera or the like, you have to listen to annoyingly looped
digital sound bytes. However, allow this review to remind you: all you need to do is to
go to the radio station on the island, and choose any song file saved to
your PSP memory stick. Play a pop ballad, a rap song, or some classical
music during the game. It's your choice.
Unfortunately, the same excuses cannot be made for the
lack of things to do on this island.
Here is the complete list of activities, from the most recent Xbox game in
the series: volleyball, "pool
hopping" (a sort of balancing act over floating platforms across the pool),
a marine race, a beach race, tug-of-war, and even a water slide(!).
This PSP game has: volleyball, pool hopping, and...well...! Okay, it also has photo taking and
gift-giving, if you consider
those activities an additional "game." They also removed the roulette
wheel table from the casino, though...meh.
Does this version have any PSP exclusives?
Well...sort of. In the Xbox version, there was this rarely achieved Easter
egg in the casino, where you could see Christie perform a pole dance on
stage. However: in order to unlock this
feature, you needed to get three jackpot symbols in a row, on Christie's
VERY expensive slot machine. Then you had to keep winning in order to unlock
the option to see other girls perform the same dance on
stage, in the attire of your choosing. You can imagine how rare it was to
see this Easter Egg at all. No sooner did hackers find a money cheat to help, then a patch quickly made the cheat impossible. Darn!
Which brings us to the PSP version. Not only is
this dance easier to see: it is part of the main game! Stage dances (or
"pole dances," if you prefer) are "won" if you do well in the gifting
mini-game. In other words: be nice enough to the girls, and you get
rewarded. Unfortunately, however: seeing this former Easter Egg on the PSP means very little
thanks to the limitations with the graphics. There is also the
aforementioned fact that over half of the original game has been deleted...!
Personally, for all the space that this pole dance mini game took up: I
would've preferred an additional mini game...or at least better music to
listen to!
In the end: DOA Paradise is hardly
the monstrosity that other game critics insist it is. However, there's no
denying this original Xbox game has been cut, edited, and truncated,
considerably...and what is left, just isn't worth the price of a new,
"complete" game. I
might recommend this as a PSN download, if the price
goes down. At its current state: half of a 360 game isn't worth
the price of a "full" game...especially when it is not.
---Techtite
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Final Rating :
Small Crater. A very
marginal thumbs up, on escrow, once in the bargain bin (ouch!).
While 1 out of
5 stars would be exaggerating the matter, this
extremely miniaturized port from the Xbox 360 is not as good as the
original. |
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more on this site's ratings system, click here. |
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picture to order this game (DS)
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graphics, and pix not of reviewed product, are created by Techtite,
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reviewed are discrete thumbnails, used only for the purpose of
review, and by no means represent any affiliation with Techtite and the distributors of that product. For further "legalese"
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