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All the news that didn't fit, we print (here!).

August, 2006

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SO continues the Tech Blog: all the items that don't fit anywhere else!

 

August 28th: Did Dilana Dig Her Own Rock Star Ditch?

Okay; so I'm no big fan of Rock Star Supernova if just because...oh come on. Comparing this season to last year's is like comparing beer to the product that results from drinking too much beer (you figure it out). Yet I watch if just because it's summer and I'm that desperate. Sorry but that's the honest truth.

So I tune into the online "reality show" that precludes the TV show every Monday morning, at rockstar.msn.com. Of course, who is the center of attention but the show's resident raspy voiced wrinkly muppet (no, not Yoda), who talked smack to the other singers last week. Yeah, you know who I mean; Dilana, resident diva wannabe. Only you have to win the show to deserve to be a diva, dear. All you did last week is prove to Supernova that you will become an utter diva, if they choose you. You then claim you did so because you are "honest." indeed.

So what does this Rock Star hopeful do? She cries. She actually tries a waterworks routine, as a 2006 rock singer. How "rock star" of you, dear. Fans defend her sign of weakness by saying she's only human. Well I'm human too but I don't see how that makes me a rock star. Oh right; it doesn't. Good singing would do that. Dilana sings like Princess Leia on the Star Wars Holiday Special.

It's not like waterworks has kept her ex-fans at bay, either. All the message boards are still all atwitter about how they now "hate" Dilana. Okay; so "hate" is harsh. Most messages are simple attempts at a top ten list or reasons, for Supernova not to choose Dilana. While we'd never steal someone else's top ten list, we're more than happy to post a funny list of our own. Enjoy:

Top Ten reasons Supernova won’t pick Dilana:

• 10. They’d have to rename their band “black hole” because choosing her would suck.

• 9. She’s been given a better offer from George Lucas as the raspy voice of Yoda’s wife.

• 8. She is the last descendant of Da Vinci and the final “code” is tattooed on her @$$.

• 7. She’ll be too busy guest starring on Desperate Housewives…as “Grandma.”

• 6. She ran out of fake eyelashes and Cher ain’t sharin’.

• 5. Supernova ran out of Nirvana songs to sing so the show’s been cancelled early.

• 4. Supernova’s medical coverage doesn’t include “silly b*tch breaks glass in yo’ face.”

• 3. She couldn’t come up with a cute name for her fans like “The Lukatics.”

• 2. No chick will ever be directly in front of Tommy Lee unless it’s another porno video.

  And the number reason she won’t front Supernova:

• 1. She can dish it out but she just can’t take it [sniff] [sob] [sniff].

   

August 23rd: The Obligatory Fall Preview Story...

Yeah, I know; fall preview feature stories are pretty much a slam dunk. In restaurants, they'd be like the fish specials on Friday, or some sort of "pot luck" stew on Monday, after a buffet the prior weekend (seriously; where do you think all the ingredients to the stew came from? Gross, but it happens). Anyway, this site has a TV review section so voila, a TV fall preview feature story.

Overall, this site only lists the shows that intrigue us. If that sounds politically correct, it's with reason. No sooner did this site make a stand against House (which we still hate, sorry), then all the FOX flame-war brigadiers came out of the woodwork. Look; there are people who think Desperate Housewives sucks regardless of its 6 Emmy awards. Fans of House will equally point out its singular Emmy win as proof that Techtite.com should change its opinion. How so? Let's put it another way: this site has had a guest review offer in effect for the past half decade. For half that time, we've extended an offer to the (alleged?) fans of House, to put their money where their mouth is, and write a review explaining why they like House. No such review has ever been sent to us...and yes, we would've gladly and humbly posted one if received. Until then we can only go by our own opinions. House sucks. Sorry.

All that being said, it would appear as though some people are very interested in this site's fall preview year after year, so here is this season's. It may not take a stand on any shows this time around (these are only the shows that caught our eye, with no firm opinions until we get to see a month's worth of episodes for each). Then again; what exactly are the 20 shows that caught our eye? Read the article to know.

August 13th: Janelle's Big Brother Coup...and...Playboy?

Mind you; Techtite.com isn't playboy, so don't ask where the photos are. Anybody who can type the word "google" can find them online. It's just that only recently has it come to everyone's attention that Big Brother's "All Star," Janelle, was in fact in playboy. She used a surname by the name of "Elle Brenna," with elle being an offshoot of Janelle, and Brenna her middle name. Ask not which month she was a playmate because she only posed for lingerie photos in one of their "special editions." However; Playboy is apparently aware of the matter, and has put photos of "Elle Brenna" in their "Wet and Wild" issue this summer. It's available for purchase right now.

I only mention all of this because of all the controversy after tonight's Big Brother show. Yes it's fishy: Erica won HOH on live TV last Thursday, Howie whines about a faulty buzzer, and suddenly someone discovers faulty buzzers at the eleventh hour (?, don't they test all equipment prior to a LIVE telecast), and surprise of surprises, Janelle wins...for the third time in six weeks!

Be this as it may; Janelle has bigger fish to fry. If she comes close to winning this thing, rest assured that her gift from Playboy will come in the form of a pictorial that she never agreed to pose for under her real name. It's nothing personal; it's just business. However, with a shadow like that to look "forward" to upon leaving the house, I'm willing to cut Janie some slack. She has bigger fish to fry than conspiracy theories involving BB staff members who may or may not be bending the rules of the game in her favor. After all; who can blame them? Just look at the photos.

August 3nd: The final Die is Cast in Dance.

Okay, I'll admit it: the only reason I tuned into So You Think You Can Dance is because my fellow female couch potato wanted to. I'm a guy, I can't dance, and well...I'm a guy. Yet I must admit: I'm more than happy to have caved in and watched this show, because now I'm totally hooked.

So now we're down to the final four contestants before the finale: two boys and two girls. Overall I think the audience made a good choice, except for one: with all due respect the only reason you-know-who is still in the game is because she has the "big butt" and big behinds everywhere voted for her. You know who I'm talking about without saying names so why drive the insult home when you can just subtly imply it? In the end: Natalie deserved to be in the final four but her butt wasn't big enough. Ouch.

Yet the chants from the audience make it clear: If the final dancer standing isn't Benji, he either had a very bad dancing mishap, or he was blatantly robbed. Something to think about when voting for the Big Butt Girl, girlfriend. Now give the honor of the final prize to the one who deserves it most and we can all go home. Okay?

August 2nd: Dana ---and all maturity--- leaves Rock Star.

You'd think that the youngest hopeful leaving Rock Star: Supernova would mean that the show would get more mature. Well...sorry, but no. She may have lacked experience or even a little "wisdom" to go with her young age, but in the end, Dana left with the last shreds of maturity, class, and dignity this show ever had. With that in mind, here's a fun list of the remaining singers, and Techtite.com's take on their maturity, on a scale of 1 to 10:

Magni: We feel for you when you tell us you miss your family. Except...dude? Everybody left their family to be on this show. Is your sacrifice a "bigger" one somehow? It's one thing to make a sacrifice. It's another thing to throw this sacrifice into the ring every time you offer a so-so stage performance. Fortunately, that hasn't been too often, so we can't complain. Maturity: 8.

Dilana: For all her whining that Dana didn't have the "maturity" to be there, man, what a whiney, insecure girl you are, dear. Piercing another hole in your head doesn't make you more "mature" than Dana, dear...and we'll all love to see how mature you take the news, when it's your time to go. Maturity: 3.

Jill: We still can't get past her apparent Courtney Love parody, only to screech like a little girl that she has no idea what style Courtney Love has but Jill is her own person blah blah blah...this, when she's dressed exactly like Courtney's own album cover. Maybe somebody else chose her outfit for that evening but come on; she's asked to wear a messy bridal gown and doesn't ask why? That's not too "mature." Then again, she consistently gets torn to shreds by the Supernova gang, and she takes it like a pro. That's pretty mature...but man; her rendition of "Don't you forget about me" was pretty bad, wasn't it? Maturity: 6.

Josh: A blues lover in a rock show? Okay...sure. He's a good singer but you can't help wonder if, not unlike a Bugs Bunny shtick, he accidentally took a left turn at Albuquerque. He comes off like Rock Star's big brother, constantly reminding us that for the heart of rock and roll, old-time blues is where it's at. Whatever, dude; at least you deliver the message with panache. Maturity: 9.

Lukas: Tween online "gurlz" love him. Yet how mature is a "rocker" who needs his teenybopper fan club to protect him? He totally deserved to be bottom three this week. To be saved by his tween fans is not unlike the wimp in the playground who must be saved from a fight by his kid sister. Maturity: 4.

Patrice: Dave asked her to change it up last week and she smack talked back to him that HE never changes up his own performance, in his own rock career. Love or hate that moment; she lost every fan of Dave's for the rest of the show. Not that we're diehard fans of Dave's, but at least we know not to pick a fight with the guy when his fans may be just what keeps you out of the final three each week. For Patrice to not realize this is...well, immature. Maturity: 6.

Ryan: Don't get us wrong. We loved your piano crap singing, but for all your talk of how Supernova didn't need a pop singer like Dana...guess what, dude? Supernova doesn't need a lounge singer, either. Yet with Dana gone you now have the spotlight on you...in the worst possible way. Good luck next week, dude. Maturity: 6.

Storm: In Storm we see some of the last shreds of maturity this show still has going for it. The only reason she doesn't rate a "10" is because we don't want to jinx her. Maturity: 9. 

Toby: Dude, when I saw your name on the bottom three at the end of the show, I had to literally rewind the "Tivo" to remember who you even were. Sorry but I just don't remember you enough to rate you.

Zayra: Yeah; you scrolled right down to her maturity rating, didn't you? Well...surprise! In Zayra we have the classic case of optimism vs. pessimism. She's halfway mature enough to know what makes her noticed (hint to other rockers: jeans and a T-shirt won't cut it). Yet she's halfway immature enough to have fun on stage each week, which is more than we can say for any other rocker. In Zayra we have all the maturity of a woman whose "little girl inside" is having the time of her life...and that's driving the other singers totally crazy. Well deal with it kids. She may leave tomorrow, or she may leave in the finale. Yet she had fun getting there. Did you? Hmm? Maturity: 5.

 

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