Techtite's PC Game Reviews!

"...most missions are quite liberal and will accept any method for solving them. In an unfair drag race I kept losing, I took a short cut and used a rocket launcher on the cars as they sped by. As I said: there are no rules. That's the point."

---from the review

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Grand Theft Auto 3 is a tougher nut to crack than you'd be led to believe. Seriously: when any magazine tells you a game is "flawless," be wary. In my experience, game magazines are the toughest critics of them all, so when they consider a game "Best of the Year" long before the year is even over, it's probably because the game's distributor paid for a pricey fold-out ad on page 3, and they don't want to ruffle the feathers of their best advertising clients. Is this game as "flawless" as such magazines claim? Nope. Is it still good? Sure. Is it fun? You bet.

For starters, let me make one thing clear: at no point am I going to tell you about the violence of this game, compared to any other entertainment product out there. To make a long story short, the title refers to you being an armed car thief. This means guns, and yes this means violence, as well as additional not-so-kosher behavior. People who are fans of TV shows like The Sopranos, or movies like Goodfellas, have no reason to grieve here, since this game is no more violent than a Sopranos season finale (interpret that as you will). As for people who don't like any of the above, what can I say; Sopranos gets Golden Globes and Emmys like they were M & Ms. Is it any big surprise someone would attempt a game with similar ideals...or lack thereof? May he without violent entertainment on his shelf cast the first stone.

That said, let's discuss the story. The opening shows you during a bank heist where your "girlfriend" double-crosses you, leading to you taking the fall. You wind up being part of an escape attempt orchestrated by one of the prisoners in your police van. The van explodes, buying you a sort of anonymity since you're considered a casualty of the explosion (or so I presume, since you're not a wanted man in this game unless you irk the police for other reasons). You must now get back on your feet, by any means necessary. That includes your expertise as a car thief, as well as being the latest mob boss' lackey. Good luck.

Here's where the fun factor of the game comes in. Simply put, you have the guilty pleasure of being in a city --a surprisingly large city, for a mere game-- where the only rules are there are no rules. Well, that's not exactly true: there is a "wanted meter" that will rise depending on how many illegal acts you perform...and how many cops are within eyesight. However, for the most part you have free reign of the city. Cool.

There is an ongoing "story" here, along the way, which requires that certain tasks are performed. These are labeled on your "radar" at the lower-left of the screen, and can be performed in any order, any time. Walking into glowing blue discs at these locations activate an in-game cinematic, telling you what should be done in that mission. Such missions include stealing certain cars for a client, drag races, and "hits" on mafia's own most-wanted. While some of the less-fun missions are quite rigid in their requirements, most missions are quite liberal and will accept any method for solving them. In an unfair drag race I kept losing, I took a short cut and used a rocket launcher on the cars as they sped by. As I said: there are no rules. That's the point.

There's a lot to like about the intricacy of this city, which has a lot of mini-missions and alternative activities for the person who looks hard enough. Yes, you can even pull up to a hooker and invite her into your car for a "quickie," which I don't mind telling you because 1) I already told you this was a Mature-rated game, and 2) it's all over the internet by now. However, such "realism" in the city streets is just the tip of the iceberg. Many ramps (some obvious; some not) can be used for various stunts, for added cash. Theft of an ambulance, police car or fire truck, offers an optional road race of sorts, trying to get to all the marked locations of your "beat" on time. My favorite such cars are the taxi cabs, where a poor man's "Crazy Taxi" mini-game awaits.

Now for the gripes. Got a sec? No, make that a whole hour. Because quite frankly this game has its share of flaws, and I've yet to see a decent review that lists them, fair and square. In fact, any game critic who says this game is flawless is, with all due respect, a total moron. Yes, this game has flaws. Anyone who disagrees send a letter, though I am not expecting any; these gripes are hard to deny. Read on...

For one thing there's what PC gamers refer to as "console-itis." This is the PC gamers' term for an el cheapo save game option used by games sold initially on a video game systems with only 8MB "memory cards" to save to. While el cheapo saves are acceptable in an el cheapo game, they are inexcusable in a game of this size. That is to say: you have merely THREE areas you can drive to, to save your game: one, two, three. These save areas are always, quite oddly, several blocks from where you must go to start each mission, meaning you have to drive half a dozen blocks (if lucky) just to save your game, only to drive that same distance, all the way back, just to start your next mission. This is just plain tedious. What's worse, there is no saving during a mission. D'oh!

Second gripe: the design of this city. More often than not a blip on your radar screen is on a street above or below your location, because this is a city with several levels of streets. Why? To make things totally annoying; that's why. The game map in the box claims that bridges are sensibly placed near the coast. The map lies. This madcap map design really began to irk me, when I had to go three whole blocks away from the coastline, just to get to the entrance ramp for the bridge. That's silly.

Third gripe: the "timed" missions. Many a gangster will give you only so long to complete a task. Trouble is, some total jackass in the game design team loves to do things in merely two minutes, so that's the time limit on nearly all timed missions: TWO FRIKKIN' MINUTES!!! You'll probably waste that much time trying to find a fast enough car. Forget how much fun you have elsewhere for a sec; to design this large and detailed of a city, only to give you two minutes to complete some of the tasks, is totally asinine. Two minutes...? Come on.

Last and not least, there's your character in this game: a bland cipher without name nor voice. The way he simply nods to everything a mob boss tells him to do makes said "hero" (you) look like a mere puppet-simpleton. This is particularly annoying during the moments when a mobster is chewing you out, only to have your doll-like self nod as if in total agreement; jeez, pal, show some self respect, will ya? There's just no reason to root for this guy, nor to feel any remorse if you accidentally get him killed, again and again. Speaking of which: death and arrest both lead to all your hard-collected weaponry to go "poof" and you're expected to go collecting weapons right from the beginning. In a teeny map of Unreal Tournament this is no big deal, though in a city this size...ugh!

It's a superior game indeed, however, to be able to be so fun regardless of all the above gripes. There's still a whole city to explore. There is still so very much to do here, at least 50% or more being completely optional, to be done (or not done) at any time throughout the game. While you cannot save your game at any time, the lack of any load times is worth praising. You can drive from one side of the city to the next and never have to wait for the "level" to load. In a game whose best trait is its racing cars down the roadways, this is a neat added feature. You can race as long as the car will hold you and never stop until you either jump out the car or the car explodes. Cool!

Mind you, all the added pluses of the game mentioned earlier still hold as well, so it's not like the flaws make the game a thumbs-down. In the end, you have a really good game with a few preventable flaws, that keep it from being as perfect as the game mags will tell you. Yes, it's annoying when you are attempting a two minute mission, or driving cross-country just to save your game progress. Regardless, the car stunts you can perform, the mini-quests, and the overall intricacy of a city that seems to go on for miles and miles, makes this game a winner. It may not be flawless, though truly, how many games are?

---Techtite